Many years ago, back to 2006 I moved to US and got married right away. My family was far away, I had no friends, no job … I started a new life. The only person who connected me to the USA world was my husband. My English was not good; I had trouble communicating with people and constantly was getting in awkward situations. All those changes were overwhelming. From sparkly talkative young woman, I turned into quiet insecure little mouse.

Before, I always had a high level of self-esteem; from 1 to 10 I would say I had 9. And after my big life change the level dropped from 9 to 2! It was a huge gap; it hurt like hell and it needed to be fulfilled with something. For some reason jealousy took that empty space. My husband was the only person in my life and may be that’s why I was jealous. I was jealous to his past, present and future. I was trying to find some evidence to prove myself that he never loved me. I did not love myself that’s why I did not expect my husband to love me.

I struggled with that nasty destroying feeling for more than two years. It led me to a depression. My jealousy was like contractions : attacked me strong and then let me have a break. I never told my husband about it because he would think I was out of my mind… and yes, I was.

The jealousy was killing me and hurting me so bad, until I realized that it had nothing to do with my husband. It all happened because I stopped loving and believing in myself. So I strongly decided to win myself back! I turned the focus from bad thoughts to the pleasant thoughts about myself. The priority of my life became my personal needs and wishes. I got really busy with my life: found a job I loved, met new friends (not my husband’s friends), went back to school. I created a new world around me and it was my personal victory!

Today, I’m happy I had the “depression” in my life. It taught me a good lesson. I will never ever let myself to lose my confidence ever again, because now I know how painful and hard it is.

About myself I can tell – I’m awesome!!! For one good reason – “because I said so!” I don’t need a social proof or hear from someone else or prove to somebody that I’m awesome. That’s just how I feel about myself “awesome” and no one can take it from me or give it to me.

The thought of the day

Jealousy harms your personality and your relationship. Move your focus to the thoughts “how awesome, unique and special you are!” Yes, you are awesome, unique and special – because YOU SAID SO!


  1. Anonymous says:

    Awesome! You are wonderful!


  2. Не думала что тебе так было хреново первое время в США, но ты молодец, что взяла себя в руки! Мы с девчонками часто вспоминает тебя и твой оптимизм 🙂


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